Joey ([info]joey_fatone) wrote,
@ 2003-05-28 19:55:00
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I'm joining the ranks of boybanders in reality shows. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it, but hey, I talk a good game.

The weekend was actually good and though I miss my daughter, I'm not quite ready to bail on the city of angels just yet.

Conclusions I've come to.

I won't be a hypocrite. I won't do something stupid.

The rest. It was just good to see my brothers laughing together. While there's so much I like about this freedom we've had, there are things I miss a whole lot.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 05:41 pm UTC (link)
*knocks on Joey's hotel door*

Here goes nothing.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 05:46 pm UTC (link)
*gets done cringing at the latest reality debauchery, and answers the door. Surprised, but not unpleasantly so to see JC*

Hey, man.

*steps aside for JC to come in*

To what to I owe the pleasure?

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 05:52 pm UTC (link)
*fully expecting Joey to see right through him*

What, I can't come by to talk to one of my best friends?

*steps into the room, looks at the TV*

Tell me you're not watching yourself on this.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 05:55 pm UTC (link)
*grins*

It's like going back tothe videotape. Critique. No, really.

*looks at JC*

You want anything? Got a fully stocked minibar. I'm a big fan of the Perrier myself lately.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 05:59 pm UTC (link)
We don't videotape our stuff, Joe. That's all you.

And yeah, Perrier would be good.

*sits on the couch*

Nice digs. I thought you were staying at Casa Timberlake, though.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 06:02 pm UTC (link)
As big a place as Justin has, it was a little too crowded for me.

*gets a bottle of sparkling water for JC and sits next to him*

How're you doin', C?

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 06:04 pm UTC (link)
Not so good, honestly.

Lance told me what's going on.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 06:06 pm UTC (link)
*doesn't move*

There's nothing going on. He's fucked in the head over some stuff and he'll get over it.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 06:09 pm UTC (link)
*looks at him*

Come on, Joe. We know he's fucked in the head right now, but I guess I really didn't think he'd be fucked in the head over you.

What's going on here? Is there something going on with you two?

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 06:13 pm UTC (link)
I don't know what's going on with him. If he thinks there's something with me, well, it makes sense. Just because of who we are. But I think. I don't think...

*gets up but keeps gaze fixed on JC*

I don't think you have anything to worry about, okay? Just keep doing whatever it is you're doing and he's gonna come home. It's what he wants. I think. I think he's just afraid to get comfortable with it. It's the nature of our lives for the last eight years.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 06:19 pm UTC (link)
*sighs*

I just don't understand it. I thought that when he came back a few weeks ago, he was ready to be with me. I didn't expect him to suddenly be conflicted again. And definitely didn't expect it to be because he couldn't sort out his feelings for somebody else.

He thinks there's something there with you. I know that much. And he wants to figure out what it is. Why does he think there's something there with you? I know you guys kissed. But it had to have been something more.



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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 07:08 pm UTC (link)
It wasn't anymore than some kissing, JC. Anything else.

*firmly*

I wouldn't take advantage of him when he's like this.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 07:11 pm UTC (link)
I know you wouldn't.

*sighs*

I guess I'm just more afraid of what Lance will do, not of what you will do.

What would you do though? If Lance said he wants to be with you?

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 07:18 pm UTC (link)
I don't think we should go here. Not unless we have to, JC. I mean, going through his on what ifs.

*sits back down and touches JC's hand*

What we know is that Lance loves you. Just. Don't let him go. That's it. Nothing else matters.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 07:20 pm UTC (link)
I can't hang onto something that doesn't want to be held onto.

I just don't know what to think anymore. He's got me spun.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 07:23 pm UTC (link)
*softly*

Don't be an idiot.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 07:25 pm UTC (link)
*looks at him, stung*

Don't be an idiot? And just how am I being an idiot?

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 07:33 pm UTC (link)
Don't look at me like that. Just. Don't.

You know there are two sure things in life, right? What they always say. Death and taxes. I'm revising it to read Lance and JC.

C'mon, man. There isn't anything I can say that's gonna make you feel better. That's gonna help this. I know as much as you do. But I think if he was more serious about anything with me... he wouldn't have left me the other night. But he did.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 07:39 pm UTC (link)
You know, why does everyone say that? That Lance and I are just meant to be, and one true thing, and made for each other and all this other Romeo and Juliet star-crossed crap. Have you seen me and Lance? We haven't ever had a time where we were just both happy and in love and content. We constantly fight and leave and break up and fuck up. And yet you guys all think we're this perfect . . thing. It's really a lot of fuckin' pressure!

And what do you mean, left the other night? What other night?

Joey. I don't want to be lied to. Please. I wanna know what's really going on. All of it.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 07:42 pm UTC (link)
Maybe you should listen to yourself then... listen to yourself and look at you and Lance and then tell me about your problems, JC.

I thought he told you. That you knew everything. I mean, the kissing and shit. He came here the other night... well, saw me in the bar. We talked. We left. There was kissing. We went back to our rooms.

Alone.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 07:49 pm UTC (link)
No, he didn't tell me. I guess he figured I didn't need to know, since nothing happened. I'll trust you when you say that. Or he didn't want to hurt me more than he already had.

You know, all I ever wanted was for Lance to be happy with ME. He's never been able to do that. There's always Britney or Chris or you. Maybe I'm just not enough for him. Maybe that's our problem. We're trying to force something that just doesn't work.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 07:54 pm UTC (link)
I don't know what our problem is, but. If you let him go, he might... there's a good possibility he's going to come to me. Is that what you want?

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 07:59 pm UTC (link)
*rueful smile*

You know, nothing against you, I think any person would be damn lucky to end up with you.

And you know, in any other situation, I'd want Lance to be with you.

But in this situation, where I'm fucking in love with him? I want him with me.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 08:05 pm UTC (link)
That's why, JC. You wanting him with you. That's why he always will be. That's why Lance and JC are universal.

I don't want to be in this place with you anymore. As long as he's... as long as he's this unsure of where he belongs, that's he's still so much with you, I'm not going to do anything. But I can't not be here for him. I need to be here for him and try to help him. Even if it means that it could eventually lead him to me that way.

He's the one constant.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 08:12 pm UTC (link)
*runs his hands through his hair*

I know. And I want you to be there. You're his best friend. He needs you.

I guess I wish his best friend wasn't also my "competition", for lack of a better phrase.

Why can't this be one of those situations where I can tell Lonnie and co. to go beat the guy up and they'll get the message to stay the fuck away from Lance?

*sighs*

Just. . you know. If he finds his way to you like that? Take care of him for me? Love him the way he deserves?

If I can't do it, I can't imagine anyone else I'd want to.


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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 08:16 pm UTC (link)
As long as we're clear on that then.

*leans head on JC's shoulder*

I'm sorry this is happening. I do wish things were different.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 08:18 pm UTC (link)
Me too. It just sucks that one of us is gonna get hurt here, either way. I almost wish there were two of him, so we could each have one.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 08:20 pm UTC (link)
It doesn't work that way.

And we'll be okay. Regardless. Pretty much because we have to be.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 08:22 pm UTC (link)
Yeah. Brothers above all.

And you know, I'll head out now, leave you alone. I know you have to rest up for your tough new "Fame" gig. And I have to go to New York tomorrow anyway. I need to pack.

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[info]joey_fatone
2003-05-28 08:26 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, yeah, of course.

*gets up and walks JC to the door*

Good luck this weekend. I'm sure you'll knock'em all dead.

And this. Tonight. It coulda been worse. And I think. Me and you. We're gonna be okay one day.

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[info]jc_chasez
2003-05-28 08:29 pm UTC (link)
Hey, I didn't hit you this time. That's progress.

Thanks, Joe. For talking to me. In some weird way it feels better knowing where you stand.

*gives him a one-armed hug*

I'll see you soon, man.

*steps out*

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